I really dunno what has gotten into me.
Today, it all came crashing down. All at once.
All after watching Timothy and Audrey’s proposal video.
The moment the placard that said “Nobody makes me as happy as she does” appeared, I burst into very sudden tears. As if at that moment, my strong front that I have patched up within these few months had just suddenly burst open again, and everything came out all at once again.
But I know now.
I knew why that particular sentence had hit me so hard.
No one had ever made me as happy as HE did. I loved being in love, and it was because of HIM, that very same person who had ‘saved’ me from my previous heartbreak, that I have now lost trust in words.
He is the reason that I don’t believe in long-period relationships anymore; the reason why I get so pissed and angry when someone says something, but doesn’t do anything about it. (Sorry, Monkey. Yes, you.) Because all those things he had told me in the beginning, was worth SHIT. If he really wants me to suffer, then he’ll be glad to know that this hurt me even more than the previous one ever did.
It’s been a while since I brought this subject up; long since I closed that chapter of my life and decided to move on… But I’ve been moving on with hate. I have dragged the hate I had from him and it has been burdening me the entire time. It has been the weight on my shoulders, and I let it overpower me.
And the irony is? I’ve come to realise that AS I WAS TYPING this up. Which goes to show that I need to pen my thoughts down in order to to realise stuff. ^^ And I’m feeling better already. ^^
But I’m not gonna lie.
I’m gonna let myself cry all I want tonight, and I’ll promise to myself that by 12 midnight tomorrow, I’m gonna leave all the negativity behind me and start the new year afresh, with fresh hopes, dreams and resolution. I will not let my past bring me down and effect my happiness for a whole new year.
To YOU who has made me crumple this way, I THANK YOU. You have forced me to be stronger, and that’s just what I will do. I wouldn’t have learnt that if you hadn’t done this so thank you.
And then there’s
Woman, where do I start with you.
Why are you always there for me when I’m at my lowest point??
Love you so much baby. <3<3 And thanks for everything.