Just yesterday, I posted on my Facebook about wanting to blog about something but not knowing what to blog about. There were some funny replies, and I really wanted to make a humourous post out of it, but… It would have been really short. =3 lol.
But today, after a short conversation with one friend whom I haven’t talked to in a while, the idea just beeped in my head and I knew I had to write it down; without, however, giving too much away just yet.
I’ve had loads of experience friend-wise throughout my years. And MANY times of which I have been betrayed and stepped on to the point where I became a little anti-social at one point. It wasn’t until college that I finally socialized more. But that’s not what I’ll be blogging about.
I’m here to blog about friends who matter; in other words, the friends who truly care, not those who only pretend to be nice to you but talk shit behind your back to others.
Also, about friends whom you feel comfortable with; people who you can be yourself with. I’ve had friends whom I had to be a different person with; not by choice, but because I had to. Needless to say, after a while, I felt choked up whenever I hung out with them because I had to put on a façade. Whenever I tried showing them a little of who I really was, I could tell they could not accept that; be it because they refuse to or because the kind of person I am is just not ‘them’.
No matter how much I tried to get to know them more, it just felt… weird. Imagine putting a bunch of optimists and a bunch of pessimists in a room and forcing them to mingle. Yeah, that was what it felt like. Like I was someone completely different from them, but had no choice but to hang out with. Obviously it grew tiring after a while, which was why I spent more time with others.
Then there’s also the ‘ganging up’ part, where the people who I thought were my ‘friends’, at least, ganged up on me and literally made a mountain out of a molehill (well for ME it was a molehill; maybe because to me, I’ve had more serious problems than THAT). I will NEVER be able to forget that, although we’ve agreed to let bygones be bygones. Like they say, once you’ve been hurt/felt betrayed THAT badly, you may forgive, but you NEVER forget.
On the other hand, when I’m with my ‘studio girls’, as I’d like to call them, I feel right at home. A great example would be during the Vaganova workshop in KL recently. I shared a room with 3 other friends (although I don’t really count Lika as a person, really; she’s literally my sister. lol), and I was as comfortable as I can be. I never felt alienated, nor did I feel compelled to put on a façade that wasn’t me. I could be completely myself, and have a ball of a time.
Now back to the subject at hand.
I bet you’re wondering about the conversation I had with said friend.
Well because I’m not going to disclose anything out just yet, this person’s name will not be shown, and only those who know this person personally will have an inkling who it is.
You see, when I was with that former group of friends, let’s just say… they were similarly opinionated. And to attempt to make better friends with them, I tried to see where they were coming from, and never questioned them. After all, we were all entitled to our own opinions.
But I didn’t ignore that bugging feeling in my head to differ. And I was proved right.
Due to a reason I will also not disclose, I haven’t seen some friends for a long while. One of them happen to be the one I had talked with just yesterday. She knows why I was unable to see them; and today she asked when would she be able to meet me again.
I told her the truth, and this was what she said:
I felt guilty for ignoring this person for a while; well, not intentionally, of course, but with said friends there were times this person was intentionally left out. And this person ended up understanding my situation so much more than said friends ever did. And this person just made my day.
I’ve learnt my lesson, yet again.
Never jeopardize contact with someone just because others don’t think highly of him/her. =)
P/S: If the person who I had been chatting with happens to read this, thank you. ^^ <3