Once again, I shall warn you that the following post is my ramblings. I’m not forcing you to read it, just that if you do, and you get bored/mad halfway, you’re always welcome to STOP READING and LEAVE.
Ok. I shall begin.
Next time, DON’T ASK FOR MY HELP.
What’s the use when you end up caving to his wants anyway? I was thinking of keeping it for a few days just to show him that when I say something, I MEAN IT. You ALWAYS say “it’s up to me” and shit like that, but if I don’t listen to you, you’ll go telling others your sob story about how you cry to yourself because ‘I don’t seem to love him’. ==
If ‘loving him’ means spoiling him rotten (And don’t you tell me he isn’t spoilt; LOOK AT THE AMOUNT OF TOYS HE HAS THAT HE HARDLY PLAYS WITH. Oh wait, I stay corrected: the amount of SAME KINDS OF TOYS in which has that HE DOESN’T PLAY WITH FOR LONG. Or didn’t you know that? Even after spending literally 24/7 with him?) and giving in to him 98% of the time (sure, I know that you should give in to him every now and then, but NOT.ALMOST.EVERY.FRICKIN.TIME.), then yes, I don’t love him.
You said you’ve learnt your lesson about spoiling, but I don’t think you have. Because you’re doing the EXACT same thing you were doing to Ashley (sorry, love. ;p). And she’s right, I think you’re doing it MORE this time around. Especially since now, DADDY is spoiling him too.
Fine, the cat is out of the bag.
I’m sure everybody knows who I’m talking about now although I didn’t mention your name.
I’m sorry for insisting hard-out to discipline him; I’ve seen the effects and causes of you spoiling Ashley, and now him, and I REFUSE to go through the same thing again.
What, are you gonna do what you did with Ashley: spoil him rotten and THEN complain about how you SHOULDN’T have spoilt him when he gets older?
Do you see now why I’d rather have someone tell me the truth to my face rather than sugar-coat it?
I’d like to think that I’m not exactly someone who goes in denial a lot (and even if I do, I’ll realise it not too long after ), but if I think that what you said is either contradicting to what is actually true, I WILL SAY IT, BUT, I will also try to see it from the other person’s view. And yes, I know I’ve said this one too many times.
You mentioned to me the other day in the car that you ‘admired how strong I was’. Being ‘strong’ isn’t something a person is gifted for being. It is a STATE OF MIND. I could have moped and cried and literally killed myself emotionally for what had happened, but I CHOSE NOT TO.
You said I looked strong.
You have NO IDEA what I do in my room, alone. You have NO IDEA how very literally torn apart I felt, my heart actually FELT painful. Constricting.
They say you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself; be kind. And I agree, to an extent. But I also believe that in order for you to be emotionally strong, you sometimes have to be HARSH on yourself. Make yourself see the reality of the situation, rather than clinging on to whatever fine thread of hope is left.
If I hadn’t been harsh on myself, I can readily admit that until today, I’d probably still be crying over that bastard and feeling sorry for myself.
I know that even if you DO come across this post, I doubt it will have much effect on you, except maybe making you cry bloody murder on me and accuse me of ‘letting you down in public’ (HEY, SOUND FAMILIAR??) and stuff like “I thought we were close“. WE ARE. But just because we’re close doesn’t mean I will sugar coat everything just so it sounds sweet to your ears. I’m not that kind of person. If it really IS sweet, I will say so. And if it’s anything BUT, I will say so as well.
Same goes for you complaining that you always don’t get enough sleep and that you have to take care of him 24/7.
OPEN YOUR EYES.
Almost EVERYONE around you has told you the same thing: you are putting this on yourself. Yet everytime I mention this, you turn a deaf ear ON PURPOSE and change the topic (I know because you can’t have NOT heard me EVERY SINGLE TIME I mention it).
Whose fault is it now?
If one day he gets immune to this threat and you can no longer get him to behave, don’t blame me.
Oh, and by the way, you should learn the difference between being stern & firm, yet still understanding, and being downright fierce & ferocious. And if you think that all kids will NOT tell you stuff just because you’re firm/stern with them, then I just have this to say to you:
GOOD LUCK. You’re gonna need it.