To be completely honest, I’ve been feeling unhappy lately.
Ever since… probably the 13th, I think. There is just so much going on in my head that sometimes all I feel like doing is mope around, cry, and just feel sorry for myself. *blank*
But I know better than to look like some attention-seeking, feeling-sorry-for-herself emo.
Especially at work.
I’ve had more than enough experience to know that how you speak to someone can either make or break their day. Which is why whenever I speak or see anyone, I’ll smile, say hello, and go about how I normally would; do everything with an uplifted spirit and even when stressed, I DO show it, but with a smile and a joke here and there.
Yes, probably some of the cause is the environment around me. But mostly, I think, it’s the inner battle in me.
No, I don’t think my depression is coming back.. it feels different than how it did before. The only similarity is that I’m my usual self on the outside, but I take refuge once I’m in my room and let some tears out.
Why do I not tell anyone?
- If I do, they’ll probably think I’m just whiny and sensitive, as some people like to put it. (Apparently when someone cries, they’re just being sensitive [a.k.a not tough], according to someone I know )
- Most probably do not care about my problems anyway, and the only reason they listen is so they can gossip about it to someone else.
- The main reason? As much as I hate this weakness in myself, I hate to burden others with my problems. They probably have their own problems to deal with as it is.
Probably the reason why I chose to release my stress/anger/sadness in my blogs (I used to keep them private in my Livejournal if too many profanities are being used =p ) is because I realised that a very scarce amount of people actually DO read my blog. So on the bright side, I’m literally ranting to myself.
But it does feel good to let at least some of it out.
Doesn’t make me feel any less emo when I seem to have to face it everyday, though. swt
Now… like I said, I know very few actually DO read what I post, but… let’s have a little ‘challenge’ here.
Let’s see who actually DOES read my posts. Comment on this post of you do. I don’t have to know you are, but if you’re feeling supportive or just feel like saying something, go ahead.
Let’s see how many people actually care.