Ok, this has been something that has annoyed me for… about 5 years now. Most people I’ve discussed this with agree with me, but then again, the person in question for this blog post also said that the people they have talked to agree with them. (I’m gonna keep this person anonymous, to ‘protect their privacy’… or something like that =p ). So I want all of you to give me your opinions. The more people who comment, the better. Feel free to say what you think, but bear in mind that your comment will be public, so please exercise caution with how say stuff, to avoid unintentionally insulting someone.
The reason I’m posting this is because I want to see what the majority of you think; which involve complete strangers who don’t know the author (me) or the person in question, so as not to give a biased answer. I purely want to know what you think of it.
Ok, so here goes….
Ever since we were young, my mother has taught my sister and I manners, and respect. We were taught to NEVER raise our voices when talking to someone older than us, to say ‘please’, ‘thank you’, and ‘you’re welcome’ whenever we could, until it became a habit, etc etc.
So when I see parent who lets their children run around screaming in malls, for example, I get annoyed. Don’t get me wrong; I understand that every child is brought up differently; but shouldn’t common courtesy be a necessity?
Another example is parents who don’t control their kids in restaurants. Their kids (some as old as 11 years old) run around the restaurant, laughing and shouting loudly, and the waiter and waitresses there, who already have a lot on their plate as it is (no pun intended), carrying around trays of hot soups or food, have to be extra careful not to run into the kids for fear of spilling hot food on the children. And if any of that DOES happen, the parents blame the waiter/waitresses for not being careful. What the parents fail to think is, whose fault is that, really?
Also, young children who talk back and shout at their parents loudly in public. Or in other words, spoiled brats who have absolutely no respect for their parents. When I see kids like that, to be honest, I feel like slapping the sense into them. Hard.
All of the above is just an example of the kind of disrespectful children that I can’t stand. My personal story hits closer to home.
Let’s just say that I am related to the person in question.
Let’s just call them P1 (Person 1), C (Child), and P2 (Person 2). Also, note that throughout, I will use ‘they’ to describe either of the three, to keep their genders anonymous as well.
So C grew up knowing that they could have whatever they wanted with P2, if C pestered P2 enough. As a result, C hits, verbally insults, and physically abuses P2 because C knows that P2 will not do anything about it, because C is the apple of P2’s eye.
Here’s the catch: C is 5 years old, and cusses worse than a sailor with P2. P2 would just scold C, and beat C occasionally, but C knows that in a few minutes, P2 would calm down and (literally) ‘allow’ C to misbehave again. C knows what he can and cannot do; but C unleashes their inner devil with P2 because C knows that the ‘effect’ (if there was any) from P2 is only temporary.
On the other hand, P1 has this thing where they will inform C of the consequences if C does something bad; for example, “If you do not keep your toys, I will throw them away”. But P1 does not keep their word.
And C knows that very well.
If, say, P1 has said that they will take away C’s laptop for a whole day, for example, P1 ends up giving C back their laptop about an hour later, because ‘C has been behaving.’
That is not exactly what I have a problem about. What I do have a problem about is the fact that even C knows that both P1 & P2 ‘say only’. C knows that they say that to threaten C, but C also knows that P1 & P2 wouldn’t mean it, so C isn’t afraid.
However, C is afraid of me.
Because C knows I mean what I say, and if I say I will do something, I will fully go through with it.
Now, as you probably already have guessed, P1, P2 & C are a family. I see them often, and go out with them. I can’t stand seeing C misbehave like that in public. It embarrasses me sometimes to be seen with someone who seems ‘uncontrollable’, and whom kid controls the parent, and not the other way around.
Now, I know what you’d probably be thinking: “If the author hates it so much, why doesn’t she do something about it??”
But it is all in vain as P1 & P2 think that I’m being ‘too strict’ with C. One time, I smacked C in public for creating a ruckus at a restaurant, because I couldn’t stand it anymore that C was making so much noise, yet the only thing P1 ever did was verbally tell C not to do it, while P2 spoke as P2 normally does with C: as if P2 didnt even know how to control C. P2 has other children, and for them to still not know how to take care of a child is beyond me, and clear about who did the taking care with their previous children.
After slapping C, P2 sent me a death glare so intense, that if looks could kill, I’d probably have been slashed and bleeding on the floor.
Both P1 & P2 complain about C’s misbehavings all the time, yet when suggestions or help are thrown in, P1 thinks that others don’t know what they’re talking about or that they don’t understand P1’s situation. P2, on the other hand, HATES looking anything close to a bad person in public, so P2 doesn’t do much when C misbehaves.
I don’t shout at C. I only lay my finger on C when C does not listen to repremindings about C’s misbehaving. And C does not cry from my whacks, but does when P2 hits. However, at the end of the day, C is still never afraid of P2, but is afraid of me. I’m the kind of person where if I say I will not give C’s toy back for a day, I really wouldn’t give C back their toy until the day is over, regardless of how C behaves.
My question is this: Am I doing the right thing by disciplining C in any way I can, or am I ‘too strict’, as P1 & P2 claims?
Please leave your comments below. I really wanna know what you all think, and if I’m doing the right thing.
EDIT: I forgot to mention that both P1 & P2 have given me permission to take care of C. Thanks Katie Sheasby for the reminder! ^-^