How do you know if you know someone?

Hehehe. *points to sign above* I got meself a warning sign now, for all you people who need the warnings. ;)

Don’t worry though, this post is not nearly as ‘brutal’ as the last one. I’ve just put the warning up because there is going to be opinions in this short post. (That’s right, you lot. Breathe a sigh of relief.. It’ll be a short one.)

 

 

I saw this in a friend’s post on Instagram,

Now, I know the overall statement is a bit of a downer, and I assure you that I’m in no depression mode or anything.  Just take the general meaning of that statement, if you will.

Anyone who’s ever felt less than their worth will know what I’m saying. Especially those who have been made to feel unworthy by others. And see, that’s the thing.

I just feel that some people love to judge others based on what they see and completely close their minds to what may be happening behind closed doors. And usually, it’s people like these who have the most kept secrets, because people keep judging them all the time.

I’ll admit here that I’m one of them. But thankfully, I’ve resorted to blogging as therapy.

 

P/S: I know what some of you are thinking after reading that line so I’ll say here and now that no, I don’t vent everything out on this blog. I may be dense, but I’m not that stupid. This is my public blog, and I know better than to completely speak my mind here. I have a private blog that I had set up years ago, back when I had that mild bout of depression (which, I just checked, was in 2006), used to completely vent out stuff which aren’t public-safe; in other words, posts that will definitely cause some serious butthurt.

(And for those who are thinking of searching that private blog up, to dig around for the skeletons in my closet, let me just tell you straight up now that you’re out of luck because I’ve set those posts to private, where only I am able to access it.)

I say ‘butthurt’ as opposed to ‘offense’, because I’ve had some milder opinionated posts up some years ago, and was approached by people who thought that my post had been about them, and proceeded to sulk and give me the cold shoulder, assuming that my post had been about them just because the situation felt familiar. So clearly ‘offense’ would have been the wrong choice of word, seeing as my post was about something completely different, and wasn’t about them at all!

So you see why I don’t vent out on my public blog. I’m acutely aware that posting something as ‘public’ would mean that it would be there for all to see in the interwebz, forever, even if I do delete that post. Never underestimate the power of the internet. ;)

 

If someone sees someone fat, they automatically think that that person either eats a lot, is a lazy lump of lard, or both.

If they see a young single mother, people will assume she’s a slut.

If someone is slow to take instructions, or is forgetful, people think they’re either stupid (come on, you know you’ve thought about that even if you don’t say it out loud), lazy, has a ‘couldn’t care less’ attitude, or all of the above.

I mean, sure, right? If that fat fella really cared about their health, they would have at least exercised or got up on their asses and do something, right?

And that single mother, she had to have had unprotected sex for her to land in that situation, right? Serves her right for letting lust get in the way of better judgement, no?

And that lazy ass dude who needs to be told a hundred times to do something before he actually DOES it? There’s got to be something wrong up there hasn’t there? Either that, or he must be just plain lackadaisical!

 

Well.

Hypothyroidism. Cushing’s Syndrome. Rape. Memory Slip. Korsakoff’s Syndrome.

 

These are just some of the medical conditions that explains the situations above.

While OF COURSE it does not mean that everyone who fits into the descriptions above have the said medical conditions (and some may, in fact, just be what your initial judgment says), I’m talking about judgement here. How many of us would stop and think about something before passing judgement about someone?

It’s sad, really, because it’s people like that that make probably the more meek of us have self-esteem issues. I admit I still have a great deal of it, even after all these years and even though I’m leading a much more positive life than I was back then. I will always be self-conscious, and I guess in a way, I will always crave some sort of approval from others.

 

People love to judge others based on what they see on the outside, and worse, they spread those assumptions to others, and that’s how rumours spread.

I dunno, but maybe it’s because of that; maybe it’s because I’ve been judged my whole life, but I tend to empathize with younger ‘outcasts’. I want to befriend them, I want to inspire them. I want them to know that they’re not as useless as everyone else says they are. When they do something good or right, I let them know. When they do something wrong or bad, I’ll let them know too, and suggest an alternative.

The first time I got acknowledged for it was some good 5-6 years ago. I was waiting for her to go back home (seeing as I had a car so I could go back whenever I liked), and she had thanked me for the encouragement that I gave her earlier. She told me earnestly that it made her feel good about herself. Something, I’m guessing, never happened often in the class. I remember telling her that it was not me; it was her that did it right. I remember her smile, and the honesty in her voice till today. I waved her compliment like it was no biggie at the time, but it probably meant as much to me as it did to her. It felt good to prove the critics wrong; that she wasn’t a ‘lost cause’.

Whenever I encourage an ‘outcast’, I think back to that time; to remember how good it felt to have someone who previously felt meh to gaining back even a little of her confidence; and it goes a long way.

 

I wish more people would be encouraging instead of being so goddamned judgemental on what they see, not what’s true.

But make no mistake; I’m going to keep on encouraging. I want to prove to as many people as possible that those outcasts also have something to prove. I’m determined to let all the outcasts know that not everyone believes them to be useless.

But to do that, I need to fully convince myself that I, too, am not useless; prior to what people may make me feel. I will hold on for my time to shine.

 

And to any one of you who needed some sign that you should hold on, this is it. <3

 

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6 comments / Add your comment below

  1. I’m behind everything you’re saying, but honestly, I’d go a step further. This may not been exactly what you were putting forward, but I think we walk a dangerous line when we’re shooting down judgement because there might be more to it/some medical issue/some explanation. I’d rather advocate for a world where we just do not judge people, even if, say, the reason they’re fat is because they eat poorly. When we exempt some people because they have an adequate excuse, so to speak, I think we’re throwing everyone else under the bus – by essentially implying that there are some explanations that aren’t sufficiently worthy of respect.

    (small rant, sorry – I imagine you probably weren’t advocating for this, and I’m not accusing you of doing so – just pointing out a related issue)

    1. You’ve got a good point! ;) And I wish too that everyone would just stop judging, but.. well, that’s not how life goes. You may not judge, but there will always be those that do and some that just won’t see reason.

      Oh well, that post was a rant too, so I guess we’re even. xD

  2. I agree with so much of this post, you don’t even know!

    After high school, I was told my career path I’d wanted since a super young age wasn’t available to me and I had to find plan B very quickly. So I ended up going to University because that’s where all my friends were going and my guidance councilor at school said it was what I should be doing anyway “with grades like mine”, saying I’d be wasting my time anywhere else.

    I slogged through three years of Uni, hating every minute of it to the point I ended up with depression. I didn’t even realise it at the time, but looking back on it now, I was in a horrible state. But every time I missed class, people just assumed I was lazy. When I changed majors for the second time, people assumed I wasn’t “smart enough” or couldn’t handle the coursework. And when I finally dropped out to go to Tourism College for a year, people assumed I’d been kicked out of Uni for either not passing with good enough grades or not showing up to classes enough.

    None of these assumptions were true; I hated the courses I did, so I changed and ended up hating them even more. I got anxiety around certain professors and people. I felt like a failure so didn’t want to go to classes and tests. In the end, dropping out voluntarily was the best thing I could have done for myself. The next year was wonderful and I ended up getting an internship with Disney through the college I went to.

    So, yes, you’re right people need to look underneath the underneath, as it were. Because you have no idea what people are thinking, what frame of mind they’re coming from or what’s happened to them in the past.

    Go by what Wil Wheaton says and don’t be a dick.

    (that post ended up longer than I intended woah)

    1. First of all… WOW AN INTERNSHIP WITH DISNEY?? GO YOU! ;D But that’s one of the more satisfying things though; proving them wrong and that you can they think you can’t. ;)

      I understand you completely though. I went through almost the same thing in university. I just didn’t have the heart and I was killing myself mentally & emotionally. No regrets getting out of that! ;)

  3. Very interesting post!

    My initial thought with what your friend posted up wasn’t about judging someone. It’s questioning as to why nobody knows? I’m almost certain that all of us have our own downfalls, our own struggles, our own fears, and so much more. Why doesn’t anybody know? I mean, there are people out there who would be willing to lend a shoulder or an ear. It’s really not about understanding the situation because we all have our own perspectives, but more of the fact that someone is simply just there. Publishing something that private to the public (or to their friends on FB) is sort of like a cry for someone to be there, to care, y’know? I do hope your friend does have someone to be there.

    But besides that point, I agree with you. Judging someone before even knowing their situation or their struggle is plain ignorant!

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