… but I saw a post up on Relationship Rules’ facebook page, and it just… made me go on a rant. Well… not a bad rant, I’d say; more of a.. confession of sorts, I guess?
There has been several happenings in my life that has changed my outlook on a lot of things. Good or bad, it doesn’t matter. What I’m trying to say is that my opinion on relationships, in particular, has changed a great deal from the old times where I was a little girl, dreaming about my Prince Charming. (Then again, don’t all little girls?)
Since then, my idea of the kind of ‘Prince Charming’ situation I fantasized about has gradually changed from the typical ‘damsel-in-distress’ to ‘fuck damsel-in-distress, I’m my own independant woman!’
Anyway… as you know, I haven’t had the best luck in that department. And I don’t mean as in within some time period.
No. I never had much luck in the relationship department, ever. All my past relationships never ended on a good note. For the longest time, I attributed it on my looks. But then I began to realise that even not-so-good looking people managed to get themselves boyfriends that lasted a good few years; some even quite chivalrous ones, the kind I had been pining for all these years.
So it must not have been my looks, then. But for the life of me I still, up till today, have no clue what it is that makes me unable to sustain a relationship for very long. (My longest had been almost 3 years, which also happened to be my first relationship. And that was.. almost 9 years ago, and I have never gotten anywhere near that count since.)
I know I just have to be patient. It’s all about patience. If it’s worth it, it won’t be easy, and I have to trust that the outcome would be worth the wait and the hardships.
But then again, it would do no good to be the only one fighting for the relationship. The other has to want to make it work just as much. All this time it has been me who fights for ‘us’ in the relationship; me who wants it to work. If I go into a relationship, trust that I will be willing to move mountains, hills- whatever I have to; and I will stick by through thick and thin. BUT, I will need to know that the other person is at least willing to fight for us in the hard times too, not just embark on the good.
I’ve always known this; yet I always end up being the one doing all the work in the relationship. Is it because when I go into a relationship, I’m serious about it? Could it be that the other party doesn’t quite see it that way, and only wants to ‘wing’ it? I’ll never know for sure, but I DO know one that had issues with commitment.
Maybe it is this that’s partly the reason why I have such horrible luck in this department. Could it be that? Or is it just me?
I guess the main reason why I feel like ranting after seeing this post is because of a situation I’m in. But I do hope against hope that it will work out. Because as pathetic as it sounds, this is probably the most serious I’ve felt and been. I am willing to go through hell and back; but you have to want to at least fight for it too, especially during the hard times.
Otherwise, what would be the point of it all…?